Meir's Porgan: Greetings Professor. You have a doctorate in criminal psychology and wrote the award winning book "Crime and the Weak: The Fatal Attraction."
Professor: Thanks Jeff, yes. It is available on the holonet in all reputable book stores.
Meir's Porgan: Recently, a despicable crime occured. A prison on the far planet of Fellucia was attacked by suspected members of the AtRtR. Also known as ARR. The garrison was slaughtered and several local insurgents were taken. The Prison Commander, Captain Viscera was taken hostage. What are your thoughts on this Professor?
Professor: Well Jeff, first of all I actually suspect that these are independent operators and not members of ARR. So I'm just going to refer to them as Rebels.
Meir's Porgan: What makes you believe that they aren't members of ARR?
Professor: ARR has previously employed strike teams showing a wealth of professionalism and equipment. These were most definitely rank amateurs.
Meir's Porgan: Interesting. Perhaps you could elaborate?
Professor: Certainly, firstly the ship they arrived in had no escort, shields or weapons and according to reports was nearly destroyed by a lone AT-ST on garrison duty. Then if you'll indulge me I'll talk about the different members of this group.
Meir's Porgan: Please.
Professor: It isn't clear who the group's leader is as they don't have any humans. So I'm going to just walk through them. They have a Jawa who appears to wear a suit of armour made from a mismash of salvaged equipment. It's a miracle it doesn't blow up in his face. In fact, reviewing the footage it has had some serious accidents on several occasions. He has a droid slave who appears to be a protocol droid with a few weapons bolted on. The droid is about as deadly as you'd expect a protocol droid to be.
Meir's Porgan: Ha! Yes, we all saw the footage of his wrist blaster breaking. That was hilarious. Didn't he shoot one of his comrades in the back twice?
Professor: Like I said. They are rank amateurs but they have still committed mass murder so people should still report any sightings of them.
Meir's Porgan: Yes, quite. The number to call is below.
Professor: Then we have what appears to be a hairless wookie.
Meir's Porgan: A what now?
Professor: Yes, it's uncertain as to whether it is a mutation or intentional perhaps for religious reasons or failing to honour a life debt. Wookies are notoriously prickly about such matters. Anyway, he is unarmoured and uses an actual sword in battle.
Meir's Porgan: A sword, sword or a light sabre?
Professor: A sword! Yes, if it wasn't for the wookies size and stature I imagine he'd be dead years ago.
Meir's Porgan: Now the one that everyone has been asking about. The Jedi.
Professor: Hold it right there Jeff. The Jedi are extinct. What we are looking at here is a kuliban fanboy with stolen lightsabres. We've seen no evidence that he is a member of the treasonous Jedi order.
Meir's Porgan: I apologize, quite right. So what do you think about the rumours that he is being hunted by am Imperial inquisitor?
Professor: Due diligence, that is all and quite right too. Even though he is very unlikely to be a Jedi he certainly has light sabres and they should be confiscated.
Meir's Porgan: Thank you for your time Professor. We will now turn to the adverts before our next scheduled program. 'Vegans: Criminals or Mentally Ill? You Decide'.
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